Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize