I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
