i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm really busy with my period
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