So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
