Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
