Me too!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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