They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
