I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
