i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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