He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
