Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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