Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
