I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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