Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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