I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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