oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
