i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
