the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
