Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize