you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
