hell yes lets make some ravioli
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
