I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
