Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
