How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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