i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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