I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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