I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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