Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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