Dude my mom stole all your condoms
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
