carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
