I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
