she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
