Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
