Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
