I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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