I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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