why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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