I accidentally burped into my bong.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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