He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
