She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
