Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
