sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
