I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
