Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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