Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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