Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my phone needs a breathalizer
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
