I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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