You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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