dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
