Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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