you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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