i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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