Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
