We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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