So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
