You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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