I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
